You’ve probably heard of my good friend, mega-successful author Keith Ferrazzi, who wrote Never Eat Alone and Who’s Got Your Back.  The guy is monster famous, incredibly connected and a major A-list player.

Well, what you probably don’t know is how close he came to losing it all and sabotaging his entire future. In an article published in Inc. Magazine, this guy pulled back the curtain on his success, totally revealed himself and almost bit the dust hard.  Watch this video (it’s less than 3 minutes long):

http://referralto.com/keith_ferrazzi

Did you want a copy of the article that started the whole deal? Cool — I’ll give you that, too. It’s actually really great stuff. Check it out here:

http://referralto.com/keith_ferrazzi

What’s kind of amazing is that the guy is the real deal, super talented and can definitely help you out, too.  Seriously, click on this link and grab your free copy.

Best of Success,

Stephan Iscoe

P.S. Sometimes, life throws some hellacious curve balls. This was a doozy — watch this video:

http://referralto.com/keith_ferrazzi

How To Deal With People Who Bring Us Down -

When you complain and criticize…It makes me feel like giving up…

Oh, oh no! Don’t bring me down, no no no no…

So sang Eric Burdon and The Animals in a 1965 song by Carol King.

In life, we get to meet a number of people, but because it takes all kinds to make the world, there are just some that are too difficult to deal with. These are people we don’t like, and we try to avoid them at all costs. Staying out of the range of their radar may be the right solution, but there are also times where passing into that detection zone is unavoidable.

Friendly individuals emotionally lift up people and if there is conflict, it generally can easily be worked through. When dealing with the difficult ones, however, it is important to be able to distinguish between rights and responsibilities. Sometimes we feel obliged to adapt to them but we shouldn’t forgo our rights as human beings either.

There are also those that we have to deal with out of responsibility. The best thing that we can do here is to not reciprocate the difficulties that person is giving. Treating them with respect is important and we also must learn to listen to them as they air out their points of view. Doing this will help us better understand them. Plus, if we get to know them, we’ll be able to strategize more with what to do and how to respond.

Fact is, difficult people are usually those who have issues in their life. Disassociate the problem from the person and learn to see things objectively. After all, if this person is not overstepping the boundaries, they may also eventually see that we too deserve respect.

We also have to stop seeing ourselves as victims of a situation.  Blaming others for making us feel miserable can only further damage us. It gives others a chance to access our emotions. Take responsibility for how we feel, and work towards a solution before they attain a mental victory over us.

We just can’t change other people. We can, however, influence ourselves to stop becoming affected. Nobody is worth this much energy and we don’t need to sweat over those who don’t deserve our respect. Deal with them like we should with work, and that is never to take it home with us.

So, in dealing with people who bring us down, we have to accept that we cannot change others, but can only change ourselves. This may mean that we change perception the way we deal with the situation.  It’s always better to look into ourselves first and see if it’s us that need to make changes. We, as individuals, also have our own pet peeves and issues.

If that other person really needs to change and is willing to make the adjustment, then we need to use constructive influence. There are tactful ways to send a message through without making someone feel worse. There are those who will influence our life very adversely. But we can be a positive influence in someone else’s life by letting go of what we cannot control and doing our best to be helpful instead.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we must be the change we want to see in the world.

Let us serve as inspiration to many, and be the positive influence.

When we do this, we will see ourselves surrounded by only those we like and respect.

Best of Success!

Stephan

The Power of Self-Confidence…

Someone once said that it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. Self-trust is what gets you to push your limits and take risks. Of the many secrets to success, self trust and self confidence are foremost. When travelling life’s rough roads, your strength is sometimes put to test. You stumble along the way, get lost, and realize just how many mistakes you’ve made. Each experience serves to enhance your knowledge in life. With new lessons learned, you’re given another set of tools to use for battle.

What will make you a winner is your ability to channel all your energy to fulfilling your goals. Recognize that there are things that you simply cannot control. The outside factors that affect your decisions change, and while you try not to wilt away, you must also face up to your challenges and responsibilities. Blaming others for the repercussions of the decisions that you made is the loser’s way out. Loser. What a horrible term to use, and even worse is when this insult is directed to you. The most important factor to consider is how you’ll react to these changes. In life, there are just some things that are out of our hands. You must have a Plan B for every important decision that you make, or else, a slight change can send your entire structure falling down.

When you do fall down, what will set you apart from all the ordinary people is your ability to get up. The harder you’ll fall, the more you’ll strive. Winners just don’t quit. Even with their sore behinds, they simply get up and take these battle scars along with them as reminders of their courage and tenacity. Success only comes with some sacrifice on your end. Whoever said that becoming successful is easy must have been dreaming because if it were, then we all would have been wildly successful by now. Winners put in more hours than anybody else. If blood, sweat, and tears have to be offered, then you should do it without batting an eyelash. And if you feel that there are just too many forces working against you, you just don’t let these things dishearten you. A broken heart is a shortcut to failure.

Another secret to success is to believe in your talent and abilities no matter what everybody else says. No one knows you better, and no one understands you more. It’s all in you, the knowledge and the capacity to surpass the things that hinder you from becoming who you can be. You can’t please everybody all of the time, and some of these people may discourage you as you move forward. You must filter out these negative voices and focus on making those who give you support happier.

When you keep these three secrets to success in mind, you can’t help but become the confident person that you should be. You need to know that you can do it. It may not be in the way that you wanted, but the point here is that you can. What sets winners apart from the rest is their ability to dream big and to know that their dreams can happen.

Best of Success!

Stephan

How To Make A Healthy Relationship Possible…

Life is one great big workout. We strive to keep a balance on the things that are in it and often find ourselves burned out. We often have to juggle our time between our personal needs and the demands of our career that we sometimes find ourselves breathless, as if we had to focus all our energies into fulfilling all our duties. The 24 hours that are allotted to us each day is just not enough. We encounter problems and try to take every single setback with a grain of salt. The truth, however, is that life is what we make of it.

Part of life’s experience is that we encounter relationships that sour over time. Let this be a learning experience. In the end, there are just some things we cannot control, things that are out of our hands. For relationships to remain healthy, we need to look at ourselves first.

We must evaluate our actions and see what caused the problem in the first place. We can start by evaluating ourselves before implementing the changes from within. We cannot control the actions of other people. So instead of dwelling on what we cannot be in command of, we have to work on what we can change. It’s imperative for all of us to know the things that will enable us to become a friend, a colleague, and a partner that we want to become.

The first thing to assess is our worth and the value we have as a person. Are we the kind of friend to go the extra mile? Are we good confidants? Do we take our friends’ needs into consideration? These are only a few of the many questions we can ask ourselves. When the answer always leads to the negative, then maybe it’s high time that we think of our nature.

The next thing to do is measure our level of commitment. Oftentimes, we don’t equate the longevity of our relationships with the kind of person we are. Of course, every situation is unique. We meet people along the way, and not many of them make ideal friends. The thing is, we have to know the cause for the breakdown of every bond we’ve created.

Then, we also weigh these against the relationships that have actually worked. We must commit ourselves to every association we find beneficial. What gets us through life’s rough patches are the people that we’ve helped.  We need support during the most difficult of times, and the only way to make this possible is to become a true friend to the people we have in our lives.

When all is said and done, we should know and realize that we are good people. We deserve these friendships because we don’t expect anything from them in return. People are naturally inclined to show kindness to those who are genuine with their deeds. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we can also say that we are comfortable with whom we are. It’s when we are happy that we create ideal relationships.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. This is good! The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

Our lives are made of opportunities and challenges, often in unequal measure…

We know that life is not always a walk in the park, so to speak. Problems come in two forms: ones that are easy to solve and ones that look nearly impossible to overcome. It’s simple to say that life is sweet when we are able to overcome a difficult situation. When things start to go against us, we forget about our basic beliefs and let situations like these affect our overall outlook.

The secret to a happy life is in being optimistic; to always see the glass as half-full. The tricky part comes when we encounter roadblocks along the way. It takes a lot of practice to become a positive person, but once we do become that kind of person, we will live happier lives. Remember, happiness is not a state of mind that can be achieved with just a snap of our fingers. Happiness is a positive choice we make and it is the attitude we need to inculcate in ourselves every single day.

If you need to take some time off to become the kind of person that oozes out confidence and that brings warmth to everyone, then by all means, do so. Take a step back and reevaluate your life if you must. If the work you do makes you an angry person, then maybe it’s high time that you rethink your career path.

Strive for happiness with the following steps listed below:

1. Write down the things that make you happy – make an inventory of all your dreams, ask yourself how you can achieve them, and start working on them now. The tendency to procrastinate is what gets you into trouble. The longer you sulk, then the bigger the problems become.

2. Have a healthy outlet for your anger – you need to let your frustrations out. Talk to someone if you must or go to the gym to pump out those happy hormones. Studies show that people who exercise are more readily able to find solutions to their problems.

3. Have a support system – with great friends and a caring family, the burden doesn’t have to entirely rest on your shoulders.

4. Be thankful for what you have – you know, “when life gives you lemons, open a lemonade stand”. Life may not be all that you want it to be, but you also need to know that you have other talents and resources at your disposal as well. Face the problem head on and see the good that comes out of it.

5. Communicate with the Infinite – believing in a higher power has gotten many people out of even the toughest of situations. The idea that there is something out there looking out for everyone is sometimes enough for people to continue on and pursue their goals.

Being too hard on yourself can sometimes keep you from victory. What stops you from pursuing your path to happiness? If it’s because you just don’t believe in yourself that much, then you need to know that mistakes can only slow you down. You can still move on after you slip-up because at least then you’ll know what you shouldn’t do. It’s not how many times you fall that counts, but the number of times you got up despite the hard fall.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. Check out this great DVD from Mrs. Brown’s baby boy,  Les Brown Live – Step Into Your Greatness

Consider these clues…

A sport coach’s job is to develop strategies for his or her team, guide the team in practicing the strategies, implement the strategies during opposition, and win the game.  A life coach performs the same functions in this game we call life.  This article will give you six key signs that you might benefit from partnering with a life coach.

1. You have no goals.

Goal setting is an important first step in realizing any life dream or aspiration.  Without goals, your path is subject to the uncertain winds of everyday circumstances.  Life coaches understand the importance of goals and are trained and available to help you chart your course and encourage you along the way.

2. You’re experiencing movement without progress.

Most people will admit that their lives are busy.  However, for many, there is little to show for this constant state of flurry.  Life coaches can help in this area.  They can help you create a plan that allows you to focus your energy on your goals and things that matter most in your life.

3. You don’t feel motivated to do anything.

Motivation is a complex and constantly changing psychological construct.  A person can be highly motivated one day and feel completely unengaged the next.  This is where life coaches can be really helpful.  Motivation, in a sense, is their job.  Who doesn’t need a cheerleader every now and again?

4. You feel like small fish in a big pond.

Everyone is significant and valuable whether they believe it or not.  Life coaches, by virtue of their chosen profession, are interested in you and what you have to offer to your family, your community, and even the world.

5. You have multiple competing priorities and seemingly not enough hours in the day to address them.

If you’ve ever thought that you could benefit from a having personal clone, then you’re probably in this predicament.  Let’s face it.  There are a lot of things that need to get accomplished in a single day and sometimes it seems that there just isn’t enough time.  Life coaches are experts at helping people strike a happy and harmonious life balance.

6. You’ve experienced a life-altering personal situation.

Life brings about change.  It is an evitable part of living.  However, major life events such as death and divorce can sometimes leave a person feeling completely helpless and uncertain about the future.  Life coaches can offer the compassion, guidance, and stability that is critical during these rough times.

If you find yourself in any of the situations above, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.  Contact a life coach and get the support and guidance that you need to move forward in life.

Best of Success,

Stephan

If only we could live our lives completely free of stress!

Of course, to make this possible, then we must remove ourselves completely from reality!  We all know that this is an impossible feat. The chances of us living completely without worries for the rest of our lives are as much as us finding Neverland. Not to say that there is no solution to this dilemma.

Stress can never be avoided, and it may even be necessary to a certain extent, but we can deal with it better if we know what to do when it comes.

When you find yourself overwhelmed with problems and worries, just remember the famous Lao-tzu quote,

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Simply put, it is better that we finish our tasks one at a time rather than give up altogether.

Here are a few ways to be more efficient when dealing with strain and pressure:

1. Plan your day’s schedule – know what needs to be done and follow the timeframe you’ve allotted for each task. Every time you veer away from the schedule and postpone your work, you pile up impending work and will require more time to finish.

2. Number your tasks according to which needs to be done first – you need to set rules by which you number your impending tasks. The more immediate ones will naturally require more attention. To know which is more important, you will have to weigh the repercussions you’ll create if you don’t complete them.

3. Know when to delegate work – the people you know may have the skills needed to help you and relieve you from stress.  Passing on work to someone else is not always wrong.  You just have to know what you need to do yourself and what others can do.  Reward them if needed and make them feel appreciated.

4. Limit distractions – some people work better with the radio blasting. If you’re one of them, then go for it. Just surround yourself with things that’ll help you with concentration and will inspire you to be more productive.

5. Know when to take a break – if we labor on our tasks nonstop, we will eventually break down. Vacations are there for a reason: it refreshes our bodies and minds and reenergizes us to go back to work in top form.

Realize that everyone has their saturation point.  If you reach yours, this is in no way an indication of weakness. It simply tells you that you are like any other person – in other words, you’re only human. Just know that you have to surround yourselves with people who can give you the support that you need. Aside from that, you must learn to stand on your own two feet. With strength and the right support system, stress no longer needs to be a scary word.

Reaching your goal is the best thing that can happen to you.

When you succeed, you will realize that going through the emotional and physical rollercoaster is all worth the prize. When this happens, reward yourself for a job well done. Look at the big picture, know where you want to go, and get going!. When you complete each task, congratulate and reward yourself, and let this inspire you to complete the next thing on your to-do list.

Best of Success,

Stephan

Hypnosteps Take the First Step: Get Unstuck – Move Forward

How to Weave Optimism and Positive Thinking Into Success

People can often be their own worst enemy, especially when they allow their negative feelings to create artificial barriers to achieving their goals, personally and professionally. We see this every day – Person A begins talking enthusiastically about a new opportunity and immediately Persons B and C shoot the idea down by focusing only on the negative outcomes that could potentially result.

In other cases they allow emotions like anger to cloud their judgment for no other reason than because they take everything that happens too personally. It’s almost as if their egos won’t allow them to miss an opportunity to get upset and start an argument. Coupled with a false sense of indignation they fail to realize that they are actually creating more barriers to resolving whatever the issue may have been in the first place.

While it’s true in nature that opposites attract, in real life nothing could be further from the truth. Positive people tend to draw towards other optimistic people, and of course negative people cluster together like schools of baitfish. The difference between the two groups is that the optimistic ones tend to simply stroll through life knowing that whatever challenges they encounter they will quickly and easily overcome.

A good example of these behaviors is in reviewing two identical technical support requests with diametrically opposite results.

In the first case, the positive customer is experiencing a problem installing a piece of software. Quickly realizing that the problem is beyond their skill level, they call the support hotline confident that resolution to the issue will be forthcoming. They cheerfully and courteously explain the problem they are experiencing and patiently worked with the support staff to correct it, which happens in a mere 10 minutes.

In the second case the negative customer is experiencing a similar problem. Frustrated and angry they call the support hotline and immediately launch into a belligerent tirade about the quality of the product and the company that produced it. While the support staff attempts to help the customer, they quickly become frustrated at the customer’s refusal to provide the needed information.

The customer insists upon escalating problem to a supervisor or manager where the tirade continues. After 45 minutes of arguing with various supervisors and managers and live no resolution in sight, the customer or threatens to sue or file legal complaints and hangs up without resolving the installation problem.

Optimistic people never worried about encountering problems with anything. They understand that things happen, more importantly they also understand that there is a solution out there somewhere. Their goal is to simply resolve the issue as quickly and efficiently as possible, which they know they will be able to do some way, somehow.

It’s for this reason that those who think positively and optimistically are far more likely to be successful in both their business and personal lives. They can’t help but know that everything is going to work out the way they expected to, if not even better.

Best of Success,

Stephan

The Big Benefit of Time Management

Exercising time management requires–you guessed it–time.  It seems a bit of a paradox, doesn’t it?  In order to develop effective time management skill, you must take more time out of your busy schedule that already contains more tasks than you have time to accomplish.  But the investment of time used to schedule your time will create more time available to you in the long run.

So if you’re already overwhelmed by your to do list, and you find yourself making excuses not to do what you know must be done, then you need some motivation.  You can find that motivation in the Big Benefit of Time Management.

And what might that big benefit of time management be, you ask?

Happiness!

Think about it for a moment.  Why is it that when you can’t seem to drag yourself out of bed at 7:00 to get to work by 8:00, you will jump out of bed with great enthusiasm on a weekend at 5:00 to spend a day in your favorite hobby or pasttime?  Because the leisure activity brings you joy.  You are motivated to get out of bed because you know the day will bring you happiness, as opposed to the workday that brings misery.

So, in order motivate yourself to exercise effective time management, you must use the carrot of the Big Benefit of Time Management rather than the stick your boss likely uses–increased productivity.  Remember, the more time you can free up, the more time you will have for your favorite activities.

To develop effective time management skill, begin with what motivates you.  Don’t worry about mundane tasks or activities that increase productivity, but rather think about the things you love to do.  Think about the things that drive you to try and earn more money so you have more money to spend on them.  Then make those things your priority, schedule them first, and schedule other things around them.

There are many places on the internet you can download a daily planner template or a free printable daily planner.  Don’t get too caught up in what tool to use.  A legal pad or wall calendar is enough for now.  The important thing is you get into the practice of planning your time and writing it down.

Let’s say the activity that brings you the most enjoyment is camping.  First, decide how many days this year you want to spend camping.  Then decide what times of year you want to use those days.  Now that you have the number of days and the season, take a look at the calendar and begin planning which days specifically you want to spend camping.  Block those days out on a calendar.

Now you must evaluate what you need to accomplish to be able to spend that time camping.  If you’re going to be gone for a week, what must you do prior to being able to be gone for that week?  Consider the “must do” items only, write them down, and then schedule the necessary time for those activities.

This is a simplified example, but you will notice how much more motivated you are to schedule other tasks when you first schedule your favorite activities.  You are motivated because there is a reward of the Big Benefit of Time Management –  Happiness!

Best of Success,

Stephan

What To Look For In A Mentor

What is Mentoring?

Mentoring is simply the process of getting alongside people to support them in their personal, spiritual or professional development.

Mentoring takes many forms and there are many types of mentors. You can expect a mentor to be somewhere between a ‘trusted friend’, ‘a guide’ and a ‘counselor’.

Mentoring is a proven process and works well in most environments — school, professional, personal and spiritual. Most all successful people have had mentors.

Begin a mentoring program with the end in mind

Know

=> Why you want a mentor
=> What you plan to achieve through mentoring
=> How you will measure your success

When you are looking for a mentor, find someone who

=> is further along the road than you are
=> operates from the same set of values
=> you can relate well to
=> is readily available when you are

You need a mentor who

=> is available over the phone for a chat or face to face
=> is enthusiastic about the mentoring process and your development
=> will encourage you and celebrate your achievements
=> keeps you accountable to meet deadlines
=> is well connected and can help you to access other people when necessary
=> helps you to set realistic yet stretching goals with deadlines and
=> develop strategies to help you to achieve your goals
=> gives constructive feedback
=> helps you to overcome obstacles and use failure as feedback
=> is willing to share their resources with you and to help you develop your own.
=> inspires, encourages and motivates you to be and do more

Of course, some mentoring programs are better than others. Do your homework before choosing a mentoring program. Get to know your intended mentor, either personally or through their work. Talk to other people who they have mentored and ask whether they can recommend the program, and why it is worth your time, money and effort. The best proof of the benefits of a mentor program come from what the mentees have to say about it.

A good mentoring program will provide systematic training, shorten the learning process and empower you to grow and develop. That makes it a powerful tool, enabling you to reach your potential and to progress more quickly than you would on your own.

Before you get started with the mentoring process make sure you know what to expect, what is expected of you and how you will work together.

Mentoring is one of the most effective ways for you to grow and develop and become the person you want to be. It would be wise to find a mentor to help you to reach for your dreams and take the next steps.

Best of Success,
Stephan Iscoe