How To Deal With People Who Bring Us Down -

When you complain and criticize…It makes me feel like giving up…

Oh, oh no! Don’t bring me down, no no no no…

So sang Eric Burdon and The Animals in a 1965 song by Carol King.

In life, we get to meet a number of people, but because it takes all kinds to make the world, there are just some that are too difficult to deal with. These are people we don’t like, and we try to avoid them at all costs. Staying out of the range of their radar may be the right solution, but there are also times where passing into that detection zone is unavoidable.

Friendly individuals emotionally lift up people and if there is conflict, it generally can easily be worked through. When dealing with the difficult ones, however, it is important to be able to distinguish between rights and responsibilities. Sometimes we feel obliged to adapt to them but we shouldn’t forgo our rights as human beings either.

There are also those that we have to deal with out of responsibility. The best thing that we can do here is to not reciprocate the difficulties that person is giving. Treating them with respect is important and we also must learn to listen to them as they air out their points of view. Doing this will help us better understand them. Plus, if we get to know them, we’ll be able to strategize more with what to do and how to respond.

Fact is, difficult people are usually those who have issues in their life. Disassociate the problem from the person and learn to see things objectively. After all, if this person is not overstepping the boundaries, they may also eventually see that we too deserve respect.

We also have to stop seeing ourselves as victims of a situation.  Blaming others for making us feel miserable can only further damage us. It gives others a chance to access our emotions. Take responsibility for how we feel, and work towards a solution before they attain a mental victory over us.

We just can’t change other people. We can, however, influence ourselves to stop becoming affected. Nobody is worth this much energy and we don’t need to sweat over those who don’t deserve our respect. Deal with them like we should with work, and that is never to take it home with us.

So, in dealing with people who bring us down, we have to accept that we cannot change others, but can only change ourselves. This may mean that we change perception the way we deal with the situation.  It’s always better to look into ourselves first and see if it’s us that need to make changes. We, as individuals, also have our own pet peeves and issues.

If that other person really needs to change and is willing to make the adjustment, then we need to use constructive influence. There are tactful ways to send a message through without making someone feel worse. There are those who will influence our life very adversely. But we can be a positive influence in someone else’s life by letting go of what we cannot control and doing our best to be helpful instead.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we must be the change we want to see in the world.

Let us serve as inspiration to many, and be the positive influence.

When we do this, we will see ourselves surrounded by only those we like and respect.

Best of Success!

Stephan

The Power of Self-Confidence…

Someone once said that it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. Self-trust is what gets you to push your limits and take risks. Of the many secrets to success, self trust and self confidence are foremost. When travelling life’s rough roads, your strength is sometimes put to test. You stumble along the way, get lost, and realize just how many mistakes you’ve made. Each experience serves to enhance your knowledge in life. With new lessons learned, you’re given another set of tools to use for battle.

What will make you a winner is your ability to channel all your energy to fulfilling your goals. Recognize that there are things that you simply cannot control. The outside factors that affect your decisions change, and while you try not to wilt away, you must also face up to your challenges and responsibilities. Blaming others for the repercussions of the decisions that you made is the loser’s way out. Loser. What a horrible term to use, and even worse is when this insult is directed to you. The most important factor to consider is how you’ll react to these changes. In life, there are just some things that are out of our hands. You must have a Plan B for every important decision that you make, or else, a slight change can send your entire structure falling down.

When you do fall down, what will set you apart from all the ordinary people is your ability to get up. The harder you’ll fall, the more you’ll strive. Winners just don’t quit. Even with their sore behinds, they simply get up and take these battle scars along with them as reminders of their courage and tenacity. Success only comes with some sacrifice on your end. Whoever said that becoming successful is easy must have been dreaming because if it were, then we all would have been wildly successful by now. Winners put in more hours than anybody else. If blood, sweat, and tears have to be offered, then you should do it without batting an eyelash. And if you feel that there are just too many forces working against you, you just don’t let these things dishearten you. A broken heart is a shortcut to failure.

Another secret to success is to believe in your talent and abilities no matter what everybody else says. No one knows you better, and no one understands you more. It’s all in you, the knowledge and the capacity to surpass the things that hinder you from becoming who you can be. You can’t please everybody all of the time, and some of these people may discourage you as you move forward. You must filter out these negative voices and focus on making those who give you support happier.

When you keep these three secrets to success in mind, you can’t help but become the confident person that you should be. You need to know that you can do it. It may not be in the way that you wanted, but the point here is that you can. What sets winners apart from the rest is their ability to dream big and to know that their dreams can happen.

Best of Success!

Stephan

How To Make A Healthy Relationship Possible…

Life is one great big workout. We strive to keep a balance on the things that are in it and often find ourselves burned out. We often have to juggle our time between our personal needs and the demands of our career that we sometimes find ourselves breathless, as if we had to focus all our energies into fulfilling all our duties. The 24 hours that are allotted to us each day is just not enough. We encounter problems and try to take every single setback with a grain of salt. The truth, however, is that life is what we make of it.

Part of life’s experience is that we encounter relationships that sour over time. Let this be a learning experience. In the end, there are just some things we cannot control, things that are out of our hands. For relationships to remain healthy, we need to look at ourselves first.

We must evaluate our actions and see what caused the problem in the first place. We can start by evaluating ourselves before implementing the changes from within. We cannot control the actions of other people. So instead of dwelling on what we cannot be in command of, we have to work on what we can change. It’s imperative for all of us to know the things that will enable us to become a friend, a colleague, and a partner that we want to become.

The first thing to assess is our worth and the value we have as a person. Are we the kind of friend to go the extra mile? Are we good confidants? Do we take our friends’ needs into consideration? These are only a few of the many questions we can ask ourselves. When the answer always leads to the negative, then maybe it’s high time that we think of our nature.

The next thing to do is measure our level of commitment. Oftentimes, we don’t equate the longevity of our relationships with the kind of person we are. Of course, every situation is unique. We meet people along the way, and not many of them make ideal friends. The thing is, we have to know the cause for the breakdown of every bond we’ve created.

Then, we also weigh these against the relationships that have actually worked. We must commit ourselves to every association we find beneficial. What gets us through life’s rough patches are the people that we’ve helped.  We need support during the most difficult of times, and the only way to make this possible is to become a true friend to the people we have in our lives.

When all is said and done, we should know and realize that we are good people. We deserve these friendships because we don’t expect anything from them in return. People are naturally inclined to show kindness to those who are genuine with their deeds. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we can also say that we are comfortable with whom we are. It’s when we are happy that we create ideal relationships.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. This is good! The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

Our lives are made of opportunities and challenges, often in unequal measure…

We know that life is not always a walk in the park, so to speak. Problems come in two forms: ones that are easy to solve and ones that look nearly impossible to overcome. It’s simple to say that life is sweet when we are able to overcome a difficult situation. When things start to go against us, we forget about our basic beliefs and let situations like these affect our overall outlook.

The secret to a happy life is in being optimistic; to always see the glass as half-full. The tricky part comes when we encounter roadblocks along the way. It takes a lot of practice to become a positive person, but once we do become that kind of person, we will live happier lives. Remember, happiness is not a state of mind that can be achieved with just a snap of our fingers. Happiness is a positive choice we make and it is the attitude we need to inculcate in ourselves every single day.

If you need to take some time off to become the kind of person that oozes out confidence and that brings warmth to everyone, then by all means, do so. Take a step back and reevaluate your life if you must. If the work you do makes you an angry person, then maybe it’s high time that you rethink your career path.

Strive for happiness with the following steps listed below:

1. Write down the things that make you happy – make an inventory of all your dreams, ask yourself how you can achieve them, and start working on them now. The tendency to procrastinate is what gets you into trouble. The longer you sulk, then the bigger the problems become.

2. Have a healthy outlet for your anger – you need to let your frustrations out. Talk to someone if you must or go to the gym to pump out those happy hormones. Studies show that people who exercise are more readily able to find solutions to their problems.

3. Have a support system – with great friends and a caring family, the burden doesn’t have to entirely rest on your shoulders.

4. Be thankful for what you have – you know, “when life gives you lemons, open a lemonade stand”. Life may not be all that you want it to be, but you also need to know that you have other talents and resources at your disposal as well. Face the problem head on and see the good that comes out of it.

5. Communicate with the Infinite – believing in a higher power has gotten many people out of even the toughest of situations. The idea that there is something out there looking out for everyone is sometimes enough for people to continue on and pursue their goals.

Being too hard on yourself can sometimes keep you from victory. What stops you from pursuing your path to happiness? If it’s because you just don’t believe in yourself that much, then you need to know that mistakes can only slow you down. You can still move on after you slip-up because at least then you’ll know what you shouldn’t do. It’s not how many times you fall that counts, but the number of times you got up despite the hard fall.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. Check out this great DVD from Mrs. Brown’s baby boy,  Les Brown Live – Step Into Your Greatness