10 Tips for Combatting Holiday Stress

Ah... the holidays!
It's a wonderful time for family togetherness, bonding with friends and loved ones and sharing activities done only once a year, such as baking cookies and decorating the yard. Yes?

Actually, the answer for many people is a resounding "no."
Many people feel a great deal of stress during the holiday season.

So Why Are We So Stressed at Holiday Time?

There can be many reasons why we feel stressed at what should be the happiest times of year. Here are a few:

First of all, there's a lot more to do around the holidays. Entertaining, shopping for gifts, attending special functions, and accommodating out of town visitors are just a few of the tasks you may be trying to add into an already busy lifestyle.

Secondly, losses can revive intense feelings during the holidays. People who are separated or divorced may be angry or sad about the changes in--or absence of--family traditions. Someone who has lost a parent or spouse may mourn that death all over again at the holidays. Parents whose children have grown up and moved away may fiercely miss the joyous excitement a child brings to a holiday. When you're feeling this way, having to "put on a happy face" with the rest of the world can be truly tough.

All change is stressful, even if you view it as a "good" change, such as spending more time with family and exchanging gifts. The bottom line is that you're forced to make changes in your regular routine, sometimes for a period of several weeks, and that can be stressful.

These are just a few of the things that can lead to holiday stress. You will certainly think of more. So, can anything be done to prevent the holidays from becoming a time for anxiety, frustration, and "the blues" for you and your loved ones?

The answer to that question is yes, definitely. Let's take a look...

10 Quick Holiday Stress-Busting Tips

Make time for exercise. Exercise is a great stress-buster. Studies have shown that vigorous exercise--even walking or dancing--produces endorphins in your body. Endorphins are proteins that stimulate pleasurable feelings. So, if you're already in the habit of exercising daily, keep it up! If you're not, then try to make time--even if just 15 to 30 minutes a day--to be active.

Get plenty of rest. Stress is hard on your body, as well as your mind. Replenish your energy resources by getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, minimum. You'll be able to face tomorrow easier if you get enough rest tonight.

Learn to take mini-breaks periodically during the day. When the feelings of stress start to mount--or you see them coming--STOP! Stop whatever you're doing (even if just for a minute or two), close your eyes, and take 3 deep breaths. Breathe in to a slow count of 5 and then out to a slow count of 5. Repeat as needed. Open your eyes, and try to smile. When we smile, it often makes us feel lighter, at least for a few moments.

Make time at the end and beginning of each day to review your goals and make a "to-do" list. Try to pull together short lists of the 6 to 10 most important things you need to get accomplished that day. Knowing precisely what needs to be done and then being able to check each task off as accomplished can go a long way towards helping you feel in control. And that can prevent stress too.

Schedule "down time" into each day. This is time just for you. It doesn't have to be a lot of time. Even a half hour of time when you don't have to answer to anyone else can be invaluable. Use this time to do whatever helps you relax most. Some people like to listen to music. Others enjoy reading. Social animals may enjoy chatting with friends or family on the telephone or over the Internet. You might find that writing in your journal or diary helps relieve stress. Whatever works for you, just make sure you do it each day!

Build cushion time into your day. Very few of us have totally predictable schedules every day. During the holidays, this can get even worse... traffic tie ups, unexpected demands at work and home, visitors you didn't anticipate, etc. "Plan" for these unplanned events by not scheduling every minute of your day. This will allow you to be more flexible when these events pop up.

Learn to get comfortable with saying "no." Not one of us can keep functioning if we say "yes" to every request or demand made upon us. If you don't "say no" once in a while, then you're going to find yourself over-committed and over-stressed.

Ask a friend or family member for a hug. This stress buster may sound kind of silly, but the truth is, we all benefit from simple human touch. And hugs have been proven to have beneficial effects. So, don't be afraid to ask for yours!

Learn to accept that a certain amount of stress IS a part of everyday life. No, stress need not be overwhelming on a consistent basis. But, if you want everything in your life to go smoothly all the time, then you're setting unrealistic expectations. And that can only lead to disappointment and let down. So, anticipate some stress and just roll with the punches best you can.

Don't add financial woes to your list of stressors, if you can help it. Holidays are often connected with gifts, but that doesn't mean the gifts have to be expensive purchases. Homemade gifts are often much more highly valued for the caring and effort that goes into them. Or, consider giving away a service, such as a promise of a massage or babysitting. Get creative... you can surely find many ways of giving that don't involve cleaning out your wallet or pocketbook.

Best of the Season!
Stephan Iscoe

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Would You Speak to Your Friends the Way You Speak to Yourself?

Very often when we speak to our friends, we shower them with compliments, praise and approval. It makes them feel proud, valued and respected and makes us feel good as well. We recognize the benefit of positive speech, we see the happiness it brings to our friends and we feel good about bringing this joy to others. So if we know all this, why is it so hard to speak this way to ourselves?

For many moms, negative self talk is a way of life. "I'm so dumb/lazy/fat" can be how we define ourselves. We place ourselves in a particular category and limit ourselves from ever expanding beyond it. It's like we're willingly putting ourselves in prison while we hold the key. It's bad enough many moms feel this way about themselves but most share these negative thoughts with their coworkers, friends, spouses and even children.

So let's look at how negative self talk would affect those in each group, starting with coworkers. Maybe you said something you didn't intend to say at a meeting, submitted a report that wasn't your best or handled a situation in a way that wasn't the most effective. You berate yourself, letting others know just how terrible your actions were. What message are your coworkers receiving? Are you a valuable resource and integral part of the team or are you positioning yourself as a weak link? Is your contribution necessary and valued or would your office have been better off without your input? Those answers are determined and defined by how you portray yourself. Of course we all make mistakes, but when we magnify them we're simply making more of the mistake while making less of ourselves.

Now take a look at how you speak about yourself when you're with your friends. We teach others how to treat us. If we speak negatively about ourselves, we're setting the tone for others to do the same. It shows we don't value or respect ourselves so others learn to follow by example. For some moms however, criticizing themselves is their way of fishing for compliments. For example, one mom says how bad of a mom she is in order to receive a reassuring boost that she is in fact a good mom. The problem with this method is that friends may find it tiresome and draining. At some point, when you keep putting yourself down, your friend may simply not want the responsibility of picking you up. That's your job, not hers. She wants to be loyal and supportive, but her time and energy is limited. Does she want to spend it boosting your self esteem or enjoying your company?

Then there's the way we speak about ourselves to our spouses or significant others. For most of us, we want our relationships to bring us joy, satisfaction, enrichment and fulfillment. We want to feel loved, respected, appreciated and adored. So let's look at how we're going about this. What are we "bringing to the table" when we show that we don't love and respect ourselves by calling ourselves names? To make matters worse, why would we choose to point out all of our imperfections? No one's perfect, but by finding a way to love our uniqueness, idiosyncrasies and quirkiness others can love them too. It's "the spin" we put on ourselves; if we think we're something special, that feeling radiates to those around us.

Finally, let's examine how our negative self talk affects our children. Imagine you're getting ready to go out, you're getting dressed and your children are in your room with you. Clothes are flying everywhere as you scramble to find something that's clean, stylish and fits without cutting off your circulation. You're frustrated, angry with yourself for letting yourself go and not taking the time to buy clothes that suit your current size. While this may be a defining moment where you embark on healthier eating and exercise, it's a defining moment for your kids as well.

First of all, you are your children's greatest role model. They study you to learn how to think, feel, behave and react. So think about what you're teaching them. Is this how you want them to think, feel and act? Of course not, so why is that the lesson you're choosing to teach them? If you want them to accept, love and appreciate themselves, then why don't you give yourself that same love and appreciation? You're their mom and that's why they love you. Period. It's who you are, not how you look or what you wear.

Learning how to speak to ourselves more positively may take some practice. For some it means counteracting every negative comment with a positive comment. For others it may mean finding something they like about themselves in order to begin the process of self love. Whatever gets you there doesn't matter. What's important is to begin speaking to ourselves the way we speak to others...for everyone's sake.


Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert just for moms and the President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. For nearly 20 years, Debi has been working exclusively with moms, insiring and empowering them to become physically fit and emotionally strong through gradual, lifestyle changes. For more information on the Lifestyle Fitness Program, please visit http://www.lifestylefitnessinc.com

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