Helping Children to Build Self-esteem: A Photocopiable Acitivities Book
Helping Children to Build Self-esteem: A Photocopiable Acitivities Book
- ISBN13: 9781843104889
- Condition: New
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This second edition of the highly successful “Helping Children to Build Self-Esteem” is packed with fun and effective activities to help children develop and maintain healthy self-esteem. New and updated material has been added including a section on running parent groups alongside children’s groups, as well as a brand new layout, fresh illustrations, an expanded theoretical section and extra activities. Based on the author’s extensive clinical experience, this activities book will equip and sup
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The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
Kids today are depressed and anxious. They also feel entitled to every advantage and unwilling to make the leap into adulthood. As Polly Young-Eisendrath makes clear in this brilliant account of where a generation has gone astray, parents trying to make their children feel special are unwittingly interfering with their kids’ ability to accept themselves and cope with life. Clarifying an enormous cultural change, THE SELFESTEEM TRAP shows why so many young people have trouble with empathy
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By Kevin Currie-Knight, Friday @ 9:19 pm
Review by Kevin Currie-Knight for The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
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If I could buy one book for all parents and educators of today’s kids, “Self-Esteem Trap” would be it. I write as a high school special educator, and as such, believe that this is a very necessary and prescient book about how we begun raising fragile, self-obsessed, and unprepared-to-cope kids – and what we can do about it!
In “The Self-Esteem Trap” Polly Young-Eisendrath is concerned to delineate how we got our kids into this “self-esteem trap” of too much praise and entitlement for too little effort, and offer advice as to how we can bring them out of it. In her opinion, it started with the ’60’s and thte “I’m okay, you’re okay” movement in parenting. Unlike past generations, parents tried to deal with kids more as equals; creativity and expression was never to be stifled, authority and rules were seen as over-burdensome, and children were seen (albeit undeliberately) as fragile. Paradoxically, the good intentions of trying to take limits off of kids, and desiring for kids to feel terrific about themselves, ended in kids that were more miserable and unable to cope with stress.
Young-Eisendrath goes on to spell out several particular things she finds lacking in today’s youth, offering evidence from studies and her own interviews (with patients and those who work with children) for support. The author suggests that today’s children are not (a) learning how to deal with adversity and disappointment; (b) learning how to problem-solve real-world situations, and (c) learning how to feel average, rather than extraordinary (humble, rather than brilliant).
Most of the book focuses on these three problems and their corroolaries: kids today are either experiencing too little guidance (from laisseez-faire parents who don’t teach their kids the importance of virtues like patience and persistence), or overprotected (by “hellicopter parents” who fly over their kids to ensure that they never have to face consequences or problem-solve their own dilemmas). The author talks about strategies for raising well-balanced kids that respect authority, can cope with disappointment, and know how and why “virtue” sitll matters. (One particularly interesting suggestion is the weekly “house meeting” where the family gathers to openly discuss problems, succcesses, failures, and solutions).
As a special educator, I recognize many of my students in this book. Today’s kids are uncommonly unused to disappointment and carry a large sense of entitlement. (I am owed a good grade, because I’ve shown up to class, and did a few assignments.) The best thing about this book, though, is the author’s calm, rational, and never-accusatory tone. She is as interested in outlaying the problem (and what she sees as its origin) as she is about giving ideas towards a solution. Far from a book crabbing about how we need to revert to the parenting of yore, Young-Eisendrath wants to figure out forward-looking solutions to the crisis.
I strongly reccomend this book both to those who are predisposed to agree with its thesis, and (especially) those who might not. “The Sel-Esteem Trap” offers much for us to think about.
By KBmom, Friday @ 9:51 pm
Review by KBmom for The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
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I am a mother who has fallen into the self-esteem trap and is now seeing the negative results in my teen son.
I also work with young children and see firsthand how our current parenting methods of trying to build self-esteem with the goal of creating capable, happy children; is instead producing children who cannot cope with the smallest frustrations, who are too often rude and demanding, entitled and self-centered, and who ultimately do Not feel capable or good about themselves.
The author expands upon these early years and shows that the results of our well-intentioned efforts backfire and produce adults who feel that the world owes them, or that they will be rescued and when they are not, they do not understand and are unhappy, and unable to cope.
It’s a long fall and a hard landing off the “special” pedestal we often create for our children…they would be happier learning that they are “ordinary”, and that they will struggle like everyone else. Being special sets them apart or above, which ultimately creates more difficulties for them.
Everyone has troubles along the way, including them. Eventually we all face sickness and death, for example. We are weakening our children rather than strengthening them when we try to smooth over and fix every disappointment they face.
Also, she presents this as a cultural issue, a result of the place and the times we live in. I think this is very true and that a new parenting trend must be set, that too many of us are enmeshed in these faulty methods- with the best of intentions.
She is compassionate, and offers great insight and ways to accomplish the goal of raising children to become capable and happy adults.
“…self-esteem includes knowing and accepting both your strengths and your weaknesses” pg 31
I think we leave out the part about accepting your weaknesses, your limitations- I know that I did at least, so I will be using her advice to try and remedy that with my son.
I highly recommend this book.
By Joseph S. Maresca, Friday @ 10:36 pm
Review by Joseph S. Maresca for The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
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The author emphasizes that we need to instill a
sense of values without being overly self-conscious
or critical. Our children should not be taught to
be too risk averse or afraid to face the future.
Problems of low self-esteem can be dealt with via
interdependence and collaborative efforts. Our
conscience should be grounded in virtue and trust
to do what is right. Our early childhood identities
are affirmed and not necessarily changeable.
The primary emotions deal with the following:
o generosity toward others
o discipline and self-control
o patience
o concentration
o wisdom
There are different types of parental control.
Laiseez-faire parents act only if the situation
is unavoidable. They tend to be “laid back”
in their overall approach to raising children.
Helicopter parents don’t want the child to feel
uncomfortable so they tend to be detached to
some extent. Nevertheless, children need to
acquire skills to deal with adversity as part
of life. Excessive parental control or problem solving
produces children unable to cope or make real
decisions.
Parents should encourage empathy, role-reversal
strategies, creativity, idealism and non-materialism.
A child needs to affirm his/her identity early on.
Parents should instill the notion of a conscience
to do what is right and to give back to others and
the community at large. Overall, the work is excellent
in instructing parents on coping with child-rearing.
By T. Nelson, Friday @ 11:17 pm
Review by T. Nelson for The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
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As a young man raised in the tail end of the Gen-X group, I found this to be an excellent read. The doctor talks about everything that went on between parents and children of that generation, what went right, what went wrong, what we can learn from it, and what to do better. It is not an expose or a blame game or anything hostile. Its just an honest look at how kids were raised. The doctor speaks as both a medical professional and mother, talking about what happened with the baby-boomer generation, why they thought what they thought, and why they raised their children the way they did. She talks about how some ideas, (like constant praise regardless of the childs actions), may have seemed like a good idea at the time but looking back was not entirely correct.
She does not blame or verbally assualt parents, and often chastises herself for not knowing any better. She spends a great deal of time explaining why so many gen-x and gen-y kids are now having troubles in their young adulthood and then offers advice for both old parents, new parents, and their children for dealing with their current issues and preventing future problems.
I wouldnt say I was spoiled, especially after 9 years in the Navy, but I often had diffuclty judging my own accomplishments or failures. Growing up in an age of self-important didnt provide clear goals or plans or meters for important events in my life. Having the kind of upbringing I had wasnt always easy, but this lady showed me how to be more realistic, less self-hating and self-depricating, and more able to focus on the truly important aspects of my life, career, relationships, and everything. Reading the book helped me to appreciate my own life even more, now that I am 30 and looking to move up in the world.
Much thanks to the good doctor, I only wish I had read it sooner.
By Jennifer Stone Gonzalez, Saturday @ 12:11 am
Review by Jennifer Stone Gonzalez for The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance
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Polly Young-Eisendrath has written an important book that parents of middle-schoolers and teenagers ought to read before their kids go to college. One of the most important points is that today’s young people have an abundance of information at their fingertips but lack real world experience that tests their mettle. Parents play an essential role in helping their children develop the life skills necessary to succeed in today’s world. Too often, parents want to run interference for their kids and smooth the way, and tend give more to their children then the parents expect in return. This results in kids who get frustrated when things don’t go their way. Young-Eisendrath reminds us why we need to provide our kids with opportunities, such as working in the community, that help them learn to navigate life. Highly recommended. (A longer review can be found at http://www.iparentblog.com/2009/06/iworld.html)