How To Deal With People Who Bring Us Down -

When you complain and criticize…It makes me feel like giving up…

Oh, oh no! Don’t bring me down, no no no no…

So sang Eric Burdon and The Animals in a 1965 song by Carol King.

In life, we get to meet a number of people, but because it takes all kinds to make the world, there are just some that are too difficult to deal with. These are people we don’t like, and we try to avoid them at all costs. Staying out of the range of their radar may be the right solution, but there are also times where passing into that detection zone is unavoidable.

Friendly individuals emotionally lift up people and if there is conflict, it generally can easily be worked through. When dealing with the difficult ones, however, it is important to be able to distinguish between rights and responsibilities. Sometimes we feel obliged to adapt to them but we shouldn’t forgo our rights as human beings either.

There are also those that we have to deal with out of responsibility. The best thing that we can do here is to not reciprocate the difficulties that person is giving. Treating them with respect is important and we also must learn to listen to them as they air out their points of view. Doing this will help us better understand them. Plus, if we get to know them, we’ll be able to strategize more with what to do and how to respond.

Fact is, difficult people are usually those who have issues in their life. Disassociate the problem from the person and learn to see things objectively. After all, if this person is not overstepping the boundaries, they may also eventually see that we too deserve respect.

We also have to stop seeing ourselves as victims of a situation.  Blaming others for making us feel miserable can only further damage us. It gives others a chance to access our emotions. Take responsibility for how we feel, and work towards a solution before they attain a mental victory over us.

We just can’t change other people. We can, however, influence ourselves to stop becoming affected. Nobody is worth this much energy and we don’t need to sweat over those who don’t deserve our respect. Deal with them like we should with work, and that is never to take it home with us.

So, in dealing with people who bring us down, we have to accept that we cannot change others, but can only change ourselves. This may mean that we change perception the way we deal with the situation.  It’s always better to look into ourselves first and see if it’s us that need to make changes. We, as individuals, also have our own pet peeves and issues.

If that other person really needs to change and is willing to make the adjustment, then we need to use constructive influence. There are tactful ways to send a message through without making someone feel worse. There are those who will influence our life very adversely. But we can be a positive influence in someone else’s life by letting go of what we cannot control and doing our best to be helpful instead.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we must be the change we want to see in the world.

Let us serve as inspiration to many, and be the positive influence.

When we do this, we will see ourselves surrounded by only those we like and respect.

Best of Success!

Stephan

The Power of Self-Confidence…

Someone once said that it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. Self-trust is what gets you to push your limits and take risks. Of the many secrets to success, self trust and self confidence are foremost. When travelling life’s rough roads, your strength is sometimes put to test. You stumble along the way, get lost, and realize just how many mistakes you’ve made. Each experience serves to enhance your knowledge in life. With new lessons learned, you’re given another set of tools to use for battle.

What will make you a winner is your ability to channel all your energy to fulfilling your goals. Recognize that there are things that you simply cannot control. The outside factors that affect your decisions change, and while you try not to wilt away, you must also face up to your challenges and responsibilities. Blaming others for the repercussions of the decisions that you made is the loser’s way out. Loser. What a horrible term to use, and even worse is when this insult is directed to you. The most important factor to consider is how you’ll react to these changes. In life, there are just some things that are out of our hands. You must have a Plan B for every important decision that you make, or else, a slight change can send your entire structure falling down.

When you do fall down, what will set you apart from all the ordinary people is your ability to get up. The harder you’ll fall, the more you’ll strive. Winners just don’t quit. Even with their sore behinds, they simply get up and take these battle scars along with them as reminders of their courage and tenacity. Success only comes with some sacrifice on your end. Whoever said that becoming successful is easy must have been dreaming because if it were, then we all would have been wildly successful by now. Winners put in more hours than anybody else. If blood, sweat, and tears have to be offered, then you should do it without batting an eyelash. And if you feel that there are just too many forces working against you, you just don’t let these things dishearten you. A broken heart is a shortcut to failure.

Another secret to success is to believe in your talent and abilities no matter what everybody else says. No one knows you better, and no one understands you more. It’s all in you, the knowledge and the capacity to surpass the things that hinder you from becoming who you can be. You can’t please everybody all of the time, and some of these people may discourage you as you move forward. You must filter out these negative voices and focus on making those who give you support happier.

When you keep these three secrets to success in mind, you can’t help but become the confident person that you should be. You need to know that you can do it. It may not be in the way that you wanted, but the point here is that you can. What sets winners apart from the rest is their ability to dream big and to know that their dreams can happen.

Best of Success!

Stephan

Simple Steps To Self-Actualization

Problems can never be avoided and sadly, they can get the better of us. As much as we would like to pull our hair out and wail like a child, we keep all the anger bottled deep down inside. Then, we try to move forward and mask the issues with a calm facade. We all know that this is the last thing we should do.

Stress is everywhere and we cannot live our entire adult lives like children, free of cares and worries. As we enter into the real world and live our lives as adults should, we will encounter things that we may not always like, we will meet people that we may not take to, or we miss out on the fun simply because we have to take care of other needs first. Whatever the reason is, it’s not too difficult to find a reason to frown.

What most of us take for granted are the good things that we encounter as we move forward with our lives. We’re simply so preoccupied with the bad things that we often forget to look at the good. We count all our misfortunes; keep track of all our failures.

We need to remember what we live for, lest we become bitter human beings. Avoiding problems is all very well in theory, but many of us have worries that we simply can’t resolve, and statistics reveal that one in every twenty people suffer from panic attacks.

The idea here is not to attain permanent happiness. We all know that we will stumble along the way as we learn life’s lessons. What we need is a simple strategy to deal with the issues that we face so that by the end of the day we can still give ourselves a pat on the back and say that we are proud of ourselves and happy with our lives, despite all the negativity happening around us.

Here are just three things to keep in mind should we feel overwhelmed at everything happening to us:

1. Avoid situations that aggravate anger – this is a classic case of fight or flight. If we see ourselves heading towards a dark corner of the street, we simply have to turn around and take another route. Unfortunately, not every situation offers us a way out. When we have to deal with a difficult boss or a stubborn colleague, we cannot always solve the situation by going the other way. The best solution to this is to have something that helps soothe our nerves – a stress ball, some exercise, a few minutes to ourselves, or anything that gets us to shift our momentary unease.

2. Reprogram your mind – there are several books in leading bookstores that offer us guidelines. Advice and exercises from experts like Anthony Robbins and David Neagle have provided reassurance and help for many people.

3. Think positive – as simple as this sounds, the task can be daunting. It’s especially difficult when we come face to face with something that we simply do not like. The trick here is to exercise our minds. It is only through practice that we can perfect this skill.

In the end, we have to know that we’ll survive. Life isn’t always about winning.  As Les Brown reminds us, most of the time it’s about getting up when we’re down. It’s the ability to continue and move forward as we go through life’s processes. Know that problems don’t kill us. We are in control of things of our destiny, and if we let these inconveniences get in the way, then we definitely will lose. We always have a choice, and we should always choose to be good to ourselves.

Best of Success!

Stephan

The Reality Behind the Law of Attraction

Life always has a way of working out. The recent success of books like The Secret and The Law of Attraction can credit the people’s enthusiasm to its increase in sales. However, many also mistake the practice of this law. They’ve misconstrued the general message of these books and have led themselves to believe that they simply have to sit back, relax, and think about what they want with their lives.

As far as I’m concerned, I believe that the law can only be put to good use with action on our part. I do believe that the universe works with us when we strive to achieve all our dreams. But, it can only nudge destiny towards our way. The rest is up to us, whether we choose to meet it halfway or not. After all, no one rewards the lazy.

If we made an inventory of all the successful individuals in this world, we’ll realize that each of them went through hell and high water just to be where they are today. Whoever said that the path to success was easy couldn’t have been further from the truth. In reality, to reach our goal, we’ll have to ready ourselves for the hurdles we’ll face along the way. It’s now simply a question of how badly we want the dream to become a reality.

As we go over the bumpy and potholed path, we sometimes stumble along the way. We court failure when we have the kind of self-defeating attitude that leads us to believe that the more we’ll fall, the harder it’ll be to get back up. This is a shortcut to sabotaging our dreams. It’s when we shift our focus to become pessimistic that we doom ourselves to failure.

Instead of thinking of what we don’t want to happen, we should think of what we do want. Putting words like don’t or no in our statement is an indication of where our focus is, and that is in the negative. On the other hand, if we make claims about things that we yet have to achieve, this can also be seen as a lie.

Positive thinking is based on the belief we WILL get what we want and that we are in the process of fulfilling our dreams. We’ve all heard of the term self-fulfilling prophecy. It is in believing that good things will come to us because we’ve already started to fashion our lives according to our personal desires.

I’m not suggesting that success can only be measured through our monetary achievement. Winning comes in all forms and in every aspect of our lives. Be it with our personal or career paths, we can only truly say that we’ve won if, at the end of the day, we go to sleep with a happy and content heart. We truly have to understand what the law of attraction is.

Simply put, it is accepting the fact that we can do what we want and that anything is possible if we work at it. Something good can happen to us today and the miracle is already set to unfold if we open the doors to opportunities that will make us happy.

Best of Success!

Stephan

How To Make A Healthy Relationship Possible…

Life is one great big workout. We strive to keep a balance on the things that are in it and often find ourselves burned out. We often have to juggle our time between our personal needs and the demands of our career that we sometimes find ourselves breathless, as if we had to focus all our energies into fulfilling all our duties. The 24 hours that are allotted to us each day is just not enough. We encounter problems and try to take every single setback with a grain of salt. The truth, however, is that life is what we make of it.

Part of life’s experience is that we encounter relationships that sour over time. Let this be a learning experience. In the end, there are just some things we cannot control, things that are out of our hands. For relationships to remain healthy, we need to look at ourselves first.

We must evaluate our actions and see what caused the problem in the first place. We can start by evaluating ourselves before implementing the changes from within. We cannot control the actions of other people. So instead of dwelling on what we cannot be in command of, we have to work on what we can change. It’s imperative for all of us to know the things that will enable us to become a friend, a colleague, and a partner that we want to become.

The first thing to assess is our worth and the value we have as a person. Are we the kind of friend to go the extra mile? Are we good confidants? Do we take our friends’ needs into consideration? These are only a few of the many questions we can ask ourselves. When the answer always leads to the negative, then maybe it’s high time that we think of our nature.

The next thing to do is measure our level of commitment. Oftentimes, we don’t equate the longevity of our relationships with the kind of person we are. Of course, every situation is unique. We meet people along the way, and not many of them make ideal friends. The thing is, we have to know the cause for the breakdown of every bond we’ve created.

Then, we also weigh these against the relationships that have actually worked. We must commit ourselves to every association we find beneficial. What gets us through life’s rough patches are the people that we’ve helped.  We need support during the most difficult of times, and the only way to make this possible is to become a true friend to the people we have in our lives.

When all is said and done, we should know and realize that we are good people. We deserve these friendships because we don’t expect anything from them in return. People are naturally inclined to show kindness to those who are genuine with their deeds. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we can also say that we are comfortable with whom we are. It’s when we are happy that we create ideal relationships.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. This is good! The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

Our lives are made of opportunities and challenges, often in unequal measure…

We know that life is not always a walk in the park, so to speak. Problems come in two forms: ones that are easy to solve and ones that look nearly impossible to overcome. It’s simple to say that life is sweet when we are able to overcome a difficult situation. When things start to go against us, we forget about our basic beliefs and let situations like these affect our overall outlook.

The secret to a happy life is in being optimistic; to always see the glass as half-full. The tricky part comes when we encounter roadblocks along the way. It takes a lot of practice to become a positive person, but once we do become that kind of person, we will live happier lives. Remember, happiness is not a state of mind that can be achieved with just a snap of our fingers. Happiness is a positive choice we make and it is the attitude we need to inculcate in ourselves every single day.

If you need to take some time off to become the kind of person that oozes out confidence and that brings warmth to everyone, then by all means, do so. Take a step back and reevaluate your life if you must. If the work you do makes you an angry person, then maybe it’s high time that you rethink your career path.

Strive for happiness with the following steps listed below:

1. Write down the things that make you happy – make an inventory of all your dreams, ask yourself how you can achieve them, and start working on them now. The tendency to procrastinate is what gets you into trouble. The longer you sulk, then the bigger the problems become.

2. Have a healthy outlet for your anger – you need to let your frustrations out. Talk to someone if you must or go to the gym to pump out those happy hormones. Studies show that people who exercise are more readily able to find solutions to their problems.

3. Have a support system – with great friends and a caring family, the burden doesn’t have to entirely rest on your shoulders.

4. Be thankful for what you have – you know, “when life gives you lemons, open a lemonade stand”. Life may not be all that you want it to be, but you also need to know that you have other talents and resources at your disposal as well. Face the problem head on and see the good that comes out of it.

5. Communicate with the Infinite – believing in a higher power has gotten many people out of even the toughest of situations. The idea that there is something out there looking out for everyone is sometimes enough for people to continue on and pursue their goals.

Being too hard on yourself can sometimes keep you from victory. What stops you from pursuing your path to happiness? If it’s because you just don’t believe in yourself that much, then you need to know that mistakes can only slow you down. You can still move on after you slip-up because at least then you’ll know what you shouldn’t do. It’s not how many times you fall that counts, but the number of times you got up despite the hard fall.

Best of Success,

Stephan

p.s. Check out this great DVD from Mrs. Brown’s baby boy,  Les Brown Live – Step Into Your Greatness

7 Ideas for Managing Stress on Busy Days…

Feeling like a lead weight is on your shoulders is probably a very common feeling. With the busy lives we lead, we can’t help but feel that there aren’t enough hours during the day, as if the 24 hours that were allotted to us weren’t enough to cover all our priorities.

We can all honestly say though that the overwhelming feeling of having too many things to do is, at some point, our own doing.

When it comes to work, you have to ask yourselves if it’s all worth it. If your efforts bring a promise of triumph, then by all means, push yourself forward. Giving up is probably one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make when you strive to win. Every trial surpassed is a step closer to your goal.

Now, if you’ve made up your mind about going forward and overcoming all the hurdles, here are a few helpful tips that will make your mission easier:

1. Focus on what needs to be done – with the amount of work you still have to do, you need to know which elements are your priorities. Lower priority tasks can be rescheduled while you concentrate on the higher priority tasks.

2. Break down your schedule and allot a reasonable amount of time for each of the tasks – this applies more to the smaller tasks. While you cannot let go of and forget about the trivial matters, you only need to give a fraction of the overall time completing the less important chores.

3. Eliminate clutter – if you find yourself working in a chaotic environment, you will soon see that you also become less productive. Clutter distracts your mind, and if you need to clear the space before starting anything, then by all means, do so. In the end, you can concentrate better and finish your work faster.

4. Set goals – without goals, you simply drift through life like a fish that follows the current of the sea. Goals give you the adrenaline that you need to complete what needs to be done. Attaining your objectives will make you happy, and one way to get to this happy place is by working towards it.

5. Focus – make sure that you set up a corner in your house where there are fewer distractions. Don’t give in to temptation and position your work station beside the television. Be strong, be firm, even with yourself.

6. Know when to pamper yourself – spoil yourself and give yourself small rewards. The gratifying portion of your day does not have to be elaborate. In fact, a simple neck message or a cup of gourmet coffee will do.

7. Ask for help – know that even the heroes in movies needed help at some point. For us normal people, we would most likely need it even more. Seek the advice of friends and know that you can also delegate tasks to the people in your life.

If you continue to stress about everything, your health is bound to fail. It’s not a choice between your job and health. It’s simply a matter of balance, in knowing when to say no and let go. If the amount of work reaches the point wherein your health and relationships are affected, then maybe it’s high time to do sit down and consider rethinking what you’re doing.

Best of Success,

Stephan

(A Time for Relaxation, Vol. 1: Guided Relaxation Techniques for Wellness)

A Time for Relaxation, Vol. 1: Guided Relaxation Techniques for Wellness

Even if you’ve never been in a position requiring you to define specific, measurable goals, you may not realize that every single day you’ve done so. Chances are, by not knowing you were actually setting goals, you were able to achieve them with far less analysis than accomplished through formal goal setting.

The difference between achieving formal goals versus informal goals is one of motivation. Quite often with formal goals, we may make progress towards our objective, but not have a clear understanding of the process required – and we often see a decline in our motivation to continue or to continue effectively.

This is perhaps most often seen in group work environments, where one or two members of the group seem to “Get It”, while others just sort of follow along, contributing as asked and simply waiting for others to ensure the goal is achieved at some hazy future point.

Yet as individuals, we are often able to accomplish our own informal goals almost subconsciously. Each and every day of our lives, we plan, act upon and accomplish innumerable short-term goals, while simultaneously working towards longer-term goals, by establishing patterns of activity.

For example, you may get up a 6:00 AM each weekday, shower, dress, have breakfast and drive to your place of employment. Odds are you’ve done these thousands of times without giving it a second thought and yet, you are in fact achieving five goals every morning.

You’re able to do this for several reasons – first of course, you understand the primary goal of getting to work on time each day at the task level. Next, your motivation for doing so no doubt includes the desire to avoid being fired for continued tardiness. Another motivation is simply a need to demonstrate being a reliable member of the organization.

On a longer-term basis, we often plan for and follow through on everything from vacations and holidays to paying off our mortgages and other debts. Here again, we have plenty of motivation to do these things and we do them subconsciously. And yet we often meet or exceed these goals with little or no effort.

What’s most interesting about this is that in our personal lives, we rarely use any elaborate system to track and complete these tasks. No software, no systems and at best might scribble down a reminder note to ourselves and stick it on the fridge.

If you really sit down and think about it, there’s no reason why you could not apply the same approach to your business or work related goals. A task is a task, whether it’s having to meet with a teacher at 2 pm or having to ensure a critical order was placed and is being tracked.

If you can find your motivation for staying on top of things at the office as you do at home, you’ll never again have any serious difficulty meeting your business goals!

Best of  Success,

Stephan

p.s. also see Learning and Motivation Strategies: Your Guide to Success (2nd Edition)

Consider these clues…

A sport coach’s job is to develop strategies for his or her team, guide the team in practicing the strategies, implement the strategies during opposition, and win the game.  A life coach performs the same functions in this game we call life.  This article will give you six key signs that you might benefit from partnering with a life coach.

1. You have no goals.

Goal setting is an important first step in realizing any life dream or aspiration.  Without goals, your path is subject to the uncertain winds of everyday circumstances.  Life coaches understand the importance of goals and are trained and available to help you chart your course and encourage you along the way.

2. You’re experiencing movement without progress.

Most people will admit that their lives are busy.  However, for many, there is little to show for this constant state of flurry.  Life coaches can help in this area.  They can help you create a plan that allows you to focus your energy on your goals and things that matter most in your life.

3. You don’t feel motivated to do anything.

Motivation is a complex and constantly changing psychological construct.  A person can be highly motivated one day and feel completely unengaged the next.  This is where life coaches can be really helpful.  Motivation, in a sense, is their job.  Who doesn’t need a cheerleader every now and again?

4. You feel like small fish in a big pond.

Everyone is significant and valuable whether they believe it or not.  Life coaches, by virtue of their chosen profession, are interested in you and what you have to offer to your family, your community, and even the world.

5. You have multiple competing priorities and seemingly not enough hours in the day to address them.

If you’ve ever thought that you could benefit from a having personal clone, then you’re probably in this predicament.  Let’s face it.  There are a lot of things that need to get accomplished in a single day and sometimes it seems that there just isn’t enough time.  Life coaches are experts at helping people strike a happy and harmonious life balance.

6. You’ve experienced a life-altering personal situation.

Life brings about change.  It is an evitable part of living.  However, major life events such as death and divorce can sometimes leave a person feeling completely helpless and uncertain about the future.  Life coaches can offer the compassion, guidance, and stability that is critical during these rough times.

If you find yourself in any of the situations above, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.  Contact a life coach and get the support and guidance that you need to move forward in life.

Best of Success,

Stephan

Mind Mapping With Software

Mind mapping software is designed to aid in the somewhat complicated process of mindmapping.  A mind map is a diagram used to represent ideas, words, tasks, or other items that are linked to and arranged around a central key word, idea or concept. Mind maps are used to structure, classify, visualize and generate ideas, and serve as an aid in problem solving, decision making, organization, study, and writing.  As you can imagine, creating such a diagram by hand can be overwhelming to the novice mind mapper.

The cost of high quality mind mapping software starts at about $150, and many mind mapping programs have a free trial option.  Two of the most highly rated and popular mind mapping software programs are iMindMap and NovaMind.  If you want to get started right away, one of these two will likely meet your needs.

Buzan’s iMindMap is designed by Tony Buzan who many consider the father of mind mapping.  An obvious benefit of choosing iMindMap is that you are linked in to Buzan’s techniques and innovations.  For those unfamiliar with the process, there is flash movie explaining the concept.  There are also a number of flash video tutorials explaining how to use the software.  There are three editions of iMindMap: Elements, Professional and Ultimate.  The software is compatible with Microsoft Office and OpenOffice.

NovaMind is another excellent example of quality mind mapping software.  While you don’t get the Tony Buzan stamp of approval, NovaMind does have some unique features not found in other programs.  For instance, NovaMind is one of the only mind mapping software programs with a free layout mode where you can put branches anywhere you like.  It also has rainbow coloring, an integrated branch suggestion system, and a special module for screenwriters.  NovaMind also comes in three editions: Express, Pro, and Platinum.

The iMindMap and NovaMind mind mapping software both work on the Mac and Windows operating systems. You will find both systems workable and easy to use. The price structure is similar, so your choice will boil down to which features are more important to you as a user.

Before you purchase any mind mapping software, make sure that you first identify your needs. You should also consider your budget, and whether you can upgrade for a discount within the same family of programs. Once you’ve identified your needs you can start comparing the different mind mapping systems.  Many programs come with a free trial which will greatly assist you in making an informed decision.

Most people who invest the time necessary to learn the mind mapping process become lifetime converts.  Trying to accomplish the process on paper can be extremely frustrating and time-consuming.  Good mind mapping software pays for itself very quickly in terms of saved time and frustration.

Best of Success,

Stephan

Mindmap Software Available at NovaMind.com iMindMap.com

Use Both Sides of Your Brain: New Mind-Mapping Techniques, Third Edition (Plume)