Simple Steps To Self-Actualization

Problems can never be avoided and sadly, they can get the better of us. As much as we would like to pull our hair out and wail like a child, we keep all the anger bottled deep down inside. Then, we try to move forward and mask the issues with a calm facade. We all know that this is the last thing we should do.

Stress is everywhere and we cannot live our entire adult lives like children, free of cares and worries. As we enter into the real world and live our lives as adults should, we will encounter things that we may not always like, we will meet people that we may not take to, or we miss out on the fun simply because we have to take care of other needs first. Whatever the reason is, it’s not too difficult to find a reason to frown.

What most of us take for granted are the good things that we encounter as we move forward with our lives. We’re simply so preoccupied with the bad things that we often forget to look at the good. We count all our misfortunes; keep track of all our failures.

We need to remember what we live for, lest we become bitter human beings. Avoiding problems is all very well in theory, but many of us have worries that we simply can’t resolve, and statistics reveal that one in every twenty people suffer from panic attacks.

The idea here is not to attain permanent happiness. We all know that we will stumble along the way as we learn life’s lessons. What we need is a simple strategy to deal with the issues that we face so that by the end of the day we can still give ourselves a pat on the back and say that we are proud of ourselves and happy with our lives, despite all the negativity happening around us.

Here are just three things to keep in mind should we feel overwhelmed at everything happening to us:

1. Avoid situations that aggravate anger – this is a classic case of fight or flight. If we see ourselves heading towards a dark corner of the street, we simply have to turn around and take another route. Unfortunately, not every situation offers us a way out. When we have to deal with a difficult boss or a stubborn colleague, we cannot always solve the situation by going the other way. The best solution to this is to have something that helps soothe our nerves – a stress ball, some exercise, a few minutes to ourselves, or anything that gets us to shift our momentary unease.

2. Reprogram your mind – there are several books in leading bookstores that offer us guidelines. Advice and exercises from experts like Anthony Robbins and David Neagle have provided reassurance and help for many people.

3. Think positive – as simple as this sounds, the task can be daunting. It’s especially difficult when we come face to face with something that we simply do not like. The trick here is to exercise our minds. It is only through practice that we can perfect this skill.

In the end, we have to know that we’ll survive. Life isn’t always about winning.  As Les Brown reminds us, most of the time it’s about getting up when we’re down. It’s the ability to continue and move forward as we go through life’s processes. Know that problems don’t kill us. We are in control of things of our destiny, and if we let these inconveniences get in the way, then we definitely will lose. We always have a choice, and we should always choose to be good to ourselves.

Best of Success!

Stephan

7 Ideas for Managing Stress on Busy Days…

Feeling like a lead weight is on your shoulders is probably a very common feeling. With the busy lives we lead, we can’t help but feel that there aren’t enough hours during the day, as if the 24 hours that were allotted to us weren’t enough to cover all our priorities.

We can all honestly say though that the overwhelming feeling of having too many things to do is, at some point, our own doing.

When it comes to work, you have to ask yourselves if it’s all worth it. If your efforts bring a promise of triumph, then by all means, push yourself forward. Giving up is probably one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make when you strive to win. Every trial surpassed is a step closer to your goal.

Now, if you’ve made up your mind about going forward and overcoming all the hurdles, here are a few helpful tips that will make your mission easier:

1. Focus on what needs to be done – with the amount of work you still have to do, you need to know which elements are your priorities. Lower priority tasks can be rescheduled while you concentrate on the higher priority tasks.

2. Break down your schedule and allot a reasonable amount of time for each of the tasks – this applies more to the smaller tasks. While you cannot let go of and forget about the trivial matters, you only need to give a fraction of the overall time completing the less important chores.

3. Eliminate clutter – if you find yourself working in a chaotic environment, you will soon see that you also become less productive. Clutter distracts your mind, and if you need to clear the space before starting anything, then by all means, do so. In the end, you can concentrate better and finish your work faster.

4. Set goals – without goals, you simply drift through life like a fish that follows the current of the sea. Goals give you the adrenaline that you need to complete what needs to be done. Attaining your objectives will make you happy, and one way to get to this happy place is by working towards it.

5. Focus – make sure that you set up a corner in your house where there are fewer distractions. Don’t give in to temptation and position your work station beside the television. Be strong, be firm, even with yourself.

6. Know when to pamper yourself – spoil yourself and give yourself small rewards. The gratifying portion of your day does not have to be elaborate. In fact, a simple neck message or a cup of gourmet coffee will do.

7. Ask for help – know that even the heroes in movies needed help at some point. For us normal people, we would most likely need it even more. Seek the advice of friends and know that you can also delegate tasks to the people in your life.

If you continue to stress about everything, your health is bound to fail. It’s not a choice between your job and health. It’s simply a matter of balance, in knowing when to say no and let go. If the amount of work reaches the point wherein your health and relationships are affected, then maybe it’s high time to do sit down and consider rethinking what you’re doing.

Best of Success,

Stephan

(A Time for Relaxation, Vol. 1: Guided Relaxation Techniques for Wellness)

A Time for Relaxation, Vol. 1: Guided Relaxation Techniques for Wellness

Stress can have a number of adverse affects on your health, both short-term and long-term.  If you’re experiencing some of the following symptoms, it could indicate that you could benefit from some advice on how to relieve stress before your health suffers any worse than it already has.  Feelings of anger, fear or helplessness are common indicators of stress, as is insomnia.  Stress can cause headaches and pain in the jaw, neck and back.  Habitual smoking, drinking, overeating and drug abuse are also caused by stress.

Stress is how your body responds to change.  And situations that cause stress in one person may not cause stress in another.  It’s a very individual experience.  One person may become tense when driving over high bridges, while another may enjoy the view.  The thought of skydiving terrifies some people, but others find it thrilling.  It’s nearly impossible to classify any particular situation as stressful, because what causes stress in one person could be a source of enjoyment for the next.  The key is to identify and manage what is stressful for you personally, because letting stress go unmanaged can have life-threatening health consequences.

Things you feel that you have no control over can be upsetting.  But remember that it’s not the situation, but how you deal with it that’s important.  You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can choose how you handle stressful situations.

Here are my top 10 tips for relieving stress:

• Picture a peaceful scene in your mind.

• Focus on your breathing and breathe slow, deep and deliberately.

• Exercise regularly.  Exercising releases tension from your body.  Find something you enjoy that gets the major muscle groups going.  Jogging, walking, swimming or bicycling are all excellent choices.

• Count to ten slowly and deliberately.  This helps you to pause and relax before reacting to a stressful situation.

• Do some stretching exercises several times during the day.  Stretching relaxes the muscles and reduces tension.

• Have a friend massage the back of your neck, shoulders and upper back.  These muscles get especially tense when you are stressed.

• Take hot showers and baths.

• Listen to relaxing music.

• Talk to your family and friends about what is causing you stress.

• Seek help when you need it.  If you have recurring headaches and neck or upper back pain, and are having problems sleeping, you should see your doctor.

Learning how to relieve stress, and putting these methods to use are critical your overall health and happiness.  Try to learn to accept what you can’t change.  Not everything is going to happen the way you want it to.

Train yourself to look for the good in what appears to be a bad situation, talk to others about your troubles, and try to mentally remove yourself from the situation then evaluate it from the outside looking in.

Ah… the holidays!
It’s a wonderful time for family togetherness, bonding with friends and loved ones and sharing activities done only once a year, such as baking cookies and decorating the yard. Yes?

Actually, the answer for many people is a resounding “no.”
Many people feel a great deal of stress during the holiday season.

So Why Are We So Stressed at Holiday Time?

There can be many reasons why we feel stressed at what should be the happiest times of year. Here are a few:

First of all, there’s a lot more to do around the holidays. Entertaining, shopping for gifts, attending special functions, and accommodating out of town visitors are just a few of the tasks you may be trying to add into an already busy lifestyle.

Secondly, losses can revive intense feelings during the holidays. People who are separated or divorced may be angry or sad about the changes in–or absence of–family traditions. Someone who has lost a parent or spouse may mourn that death all over again at the holidays. Parents whose children have grown up and moved away may fiercely miss the joyous excitement a child brings to a holiday. When you’re feeling this way, having to “put on a happy face” with the rest of the world can be truly tough.

All change is stressful, even if you view it as a “good” change, such as spending more time with family and exchanging gifts. The bottom line is that you’re forced to make changes in your regular routine, sometimes for a period of several weeks, and that can be stressful.

These are just a few of the things that can lead to holiday stress. You will certainly think of more. So, can anything be done to prevent the holidays from becoming a time for anxiety, frustration, and “the blues” for you and your loved ones?

The answer to that question is yes, definitely. Let’s take a look…

10 Quick Holiday Stress-Busting Tips

Make time for exercise. Exercise is a great stress-buster. Studies have shown that vigorous exercise–even walking or dancing–produces endorphins in your body. Endorphins are proteins that stimulate pleasurable feelings. So, if you’re already in the habit of exercising daily, keep it up! If you’re not, then try to make time–even if just 15 to 30 minutes a day–to be active.

Get plenty of rest. Stress is hard on your body, as well as your mind. Replenish your energy resources by getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, minimum. You’ll be able to face tomorrow easier if you get enough rest tonight.

Learn to take mini-breaks periodically during the day. When the feelings of stress start to mount–or you see them coming–STOP! Stop whatever you’re doing (even if just for a minute or two), close your eyes, and take 3 deep breaths. Breathe in to a slow count of 5 and then out to a slow count of 5. Repeat as needed. Open your eyes, and try to smile. When we smile, it often makes us feel lighter, at least for a few moments.

Make time at the end and beginning of each day to review your goals and make a “to-do” list. Try to pull together short lists of the 6 to 10 most important things you need to get accomplished that day. Knowing precisely what needs to be done and then being able to check each task off as accomplished can go a long way towards helping you feel in control. And that can prevent stress too.

Schedule “down time” into each day. This is time just for you. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time. Even a half hour of time when you don’t have to answer to anyone else can be invaluable. Use this time to do whatever helps you relax most. Some people like to listen to music. Others enjoy reading. Social animals may enjoy chatting with friends or family on the telephone or over the Internet. You might find that writing in your journal or diary helps relieve stress. Whatever works for you, just make sure you do it each day!

Build cushion time into your day. Very few of us have totally predictable schedules every day. During the holidays, this can get even worse… traffic tie ups, unexpected demands at work and home, visitors you didn’t anticipate, etc. “Plan” for these unplanned events by not scheduling every minute of your day. This will allow you to be more flexible when these events pop up.

Learn to get comfortable with saying “no.” Not one of us can keep functioning if we say “yes” to every request or demand made upon us. If you don’t “say no” once in a while, then you’re going to find yourself over-committed and over-stressed.

Ask a friend or family member for a hug. This stress buster may sound kind of silly, but the truth is, we all benefit from simple human touch. And hugs have been proven to have beneficial effects. So, don’t be afraid to ask for yours!

Learn to accept that a certain amount of stress IS a part of everyday life. No, stress need not be overwhelming on a consistent basis. But, if you want everything in your life to go smoothly all the time, then you’re setting unrealistic expectations. And that can only lead to disappointment and let down. So, anticipate some stress and just roll with the punches best you can.

Don’t add financial woes to your list of stressors, if you can help it. Holidays are often connected with gifts, but that doesn’t mean the gifts have to be expensive purchases. Homemade gifts are often much more highly valued for the caring and effort that goes into them. Or, consider giving away a service, such as a promise of a massage or babysitting. Get creative… you can surely find many ways of giving that don’t involve cleaning out your wallet or pocketbook.

Best of the Season!
Stephan Iscoe

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Very often when we speak to our friends, we shower them with compliments, praise and approval. It makes them feel proud, valued and respected and makes us feel good as well. We recognize the benefit of positive speech, we see the happiness it brings to our friends and we feel good about bringing this joy to others. So if we know all this, why is it so hard to speak this way to ourselves?

For many moms, negative self talk is a way of life. “I’m so dumb/lazy/fat” can be how we define ourselves. We place ourselves in a particular category and limit ourselves from ever expanding beyond it. It’s like we’re willingly putting ourselves in prison while we hold the key. It’s bad enough many moms feel this way about themselves but most share these negative thoughts with their coworkers, friends, spouses and even children.

So let’s look at how negative self talk would affect those in each group, starting with coworkers. Maybe you said something you didn’t intend to say at a meeting, submitted a report that wasn’t your best or handled a situation in a way that wasn’t the most effective. You berate yourself, letting others know just how terrible your actions were. What message are your coworkers receiving? Are you a valuable resource and integral part of the team or are you positioning yourself as a weak link? Is your contribution necessary and valued or would your office have been better off without your input? Those answers are determined and defined by how you portray yourself. Of course we all make mistakes, but when we magnify them we’re simply making more of the mistake while making less of ourselves.

Now take a look at how you speak about yourself when you’re with your friends. We teach others how to treat us. If we speak negatively about ourselves, we’re setting the tone for others to do the same. It shows we don’t value or respect ourselves so others learn to follow by example. For some moms however, criticizing themselves is their way of fishing for compliments. For example, one mom says how bad of a mom she is in order to receive a reassuring boost that she is in fact a good mom. The problem with this method is that friends may find it tiresome and draining. At some point, when you keep putting yourself down, your friend may simply not want the responsibility of picking you up. That’s your job, not hers. She wants to be loyal and supportive, but her time and energy is limited. Does she want to spend it boosting your self esteem or enjoying your company?

Then there’s the way we speak about ourselves to our spouses or significant others. For most of us, we want our relationships to bring us joy, satisfaction, enrichment and fulfillment. We want to feel loved, respected, appreciated and adored. So let’s look at how we’re going about this. What are we “bringing to the table” when we show that we don’t love and respect ourselves by calling ourselves names? To make matters worse, why would we choose to point out all of our imperfections? No one’s perfect, but by finding a way to love our uniqueness, idiosyncrasies and quirkiness others can love them too. It’s “the spin” we put on ourselves; if we think we’re something special, that feeling radiates to those around us.

Finally, let’s examine how our negative self talk affects our children. Imagine you’re getting ready to go out, you’re getting dressed and your children are in your room with you. Clothes are flying everywhere as you scramble to find something that’s clean, stylish and fits without cutting off your circulation. You’re frustrated, angry with yourself for letting yourself go and not taking the time to buy clothes that suit your current size. While this may be a defining moment where you embark on healthier eating and exercise, it’s a defining moment for your kids as well.

First of all, you are your children’s greatest role model. They study you to learn how to think, feel, behave and react. So think about what you’re teaching them. Is this how you want them to think, feel and act? Of course not, so why is that the lesson you’re choosing to teach them? If you want them to accept, love and appreciate themselves, then why don’t you give yourself that same love and appreciation? You’re their mom and that’s why they love you. Period. It’s who you are, not how you look or what you wear.

Learning how to speak to ourselves more positively may take some practice. For some it means counteracting every negative comment with a positive comment. For others it may mean finding something they like about themselves in order to begin the process of self love. Whatever gets you there doesn’t matter. What’s important is to begin speaking to ourselves the way we speak to others…for everyone’s sake.

Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert just for moms and the President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. For nearly 20 years, Debi has been working exclusively with moms, insiring and empowering them to become physically fit and emotionally strong through gradual, lifestyle changes. For more information on the Lifestyle Fitness Program, please visit http://www.lifestylefitnessinc.com

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