Fear That If I Am Successful, People Won’t Like Me

by Helene Rothschild

Have you ever been rejected because of your success in school, sports, relationships, or your career, etc.? These past negative experiences can be blocking you from reaching your desired personal and professional goals.

As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I had the opportunity to counsel many men, women and children. I learned about this unconscious fear of success from my clients. To help them reach their full potential and actualize their goals, I guided them though the HART process (Holistic And Rapid Transformation).

One of my clients, Mary, discovered that she often got sick in elementary school, because she was very bright and the kids rejected her. By missing many classes, Mary's grades dropped and she was more accepted by her peers. Mary was shocked when she realized that she was still following the same pattern in her adult life. She then understood why she was not allowing herself to be healthy, or successful in her career.

We can also have adult fears of being all that we are. One all too common example is demonstrated with Sandy's story. She was a forty-two-year-old single parent who felt she was a failure in her commercial real estate job. Sandy was not making enough money to support her three children.

I said, "Sandy, close your eyes and visualize yourself doing well and earning the amount of money you want. How are you feeling?" Sandy replied, "Scared!" When I asked her what she was afraid of, Sandy replied, "I am afraid if I make a lot of money, no man will want me."

I then asked Sandy if she was willing to believe that she could have the career, the money and the relationship she wanted. She said, "Yes." Since visualization is very powerful, I led her in a process to see herself financially abundant and in a loving relationship

A month later, Sandy called me and said, "Helene, I think you had better sit down. I earned $40,000 this month!"

That is how quickly this process can work. It is not magic, although it proves how powerful we are to create what we want. Sandy was unconsciously pushing away financial success, because she was afraid that men would not like her. When she released that fear, she allowed prosperity into her life.

This fear of success can block your success in your personal and professional life. My sister or brother will not love me if I am successful"My sibling will reject me if I do too well." "My husband will feel threatened if I earn too much money." "People will not play will me if I am too good." "Other employees will resent me if I get a promotion." My best friend will be upset if I am thinner than her." "My friends will be jealous if I am in a relationship."

We often unconsciously hold ourselves back from reaching our true potential and being happy, because we are afraid of being rejected and being alone. One key to happy relationships is to support each other to be all that we are. That is, we often feel resentful and angry when we hold ourselves back. Those negative feelings hurt us and our relationships.

Once we believe that we can be successful and be loved and accepted, we allow ourselves to suceed, and draw to us people who support us. You actually help people to be successful when you are, because then they have a postiive model. Therefore, being successful is a gift to them and you. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and successful. Go for it!


©2007 by Helene Rothschild, MA, MFT, a Marriage, Family Therapist and speaker. The article is excerpted from her self-help book, "All You Need Is HART!" A unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation. Note her educational materials, events, and newsletter. 1-888-639-6390

Are You Masking Your Success?

For years I have had the honor of working one-on-one with people ready to break free of the chains and shackles of their past emotional pain and catapult into the future they only imagined. We all have incomplete emotional wounds and baggage we carry around that we mask on a daily basis just to operate. This emotional baggage is heavy, very heavy. As long as you masking your past emotional baggage, you are bound by your past and unable to fully participate in creating the future God created you to live.

Did you know it is possible to live without having any negative emotional “triggers?” Imagine living free of any self-worth issues and being in touch with your greatness at every moment in the day. Imagine living with an open heart and no fear of being hurt because you know how to walk yourself back to wholeness. You don’t have to be guarded. It is possible.

After my years of emotional work, I am so happy to be a living example of what is possible in terms of being fully healed emotionally and living in the present. I know that God can bring me through any emotional challenge, so I don’t have to hold back at all. I invite you to get to this point of freedom with me!

Understanding the purpose of your past and the reason why emotional pain is allowed are keys to being able to live fully in the present. Really hear me on this one – you were born for a specific purpose and to make an impact in the world that no one else can. God has allowed you to go through emotional challenges so you are fully equipped to fulfill your vision.

You have gone through what you have gone through so your life can be a living testimony for those God has created you to impact. Your emotional challenges created the tools and necessary armor to carry out your life’s mission and purpose. Without your life’s experience, you simply would not be ready and strong enough to see it through. Whatever it is you have been through, these were allowed because within your experience lies clues to your life’s purpose and Kingdom assignment.

You carry your emotional baggage around in invisible purses or wallets, carry-on bags, suitcases and trunks. You might even have a storage unit of emotional baggage somewhere. Your “purse” or “wallet” issues represent your self-esteem and self-worth issues. You can easily tuck them away and they don’t really slow you down that much. When your purse or wallet becomes too small to hold your self-worth issues, you need a carry-on bag.

You know you have carry-on issues if you have experienced challenges that have left you more closed and wounded from friendships that went sour. Trust issues with friendships are carried around in an emotional carry-on bag. You can even have more than one carry-on bag and still maneuver through life because they only slow you down a bit. You can usually tuck them away under your seat or in the storage bin above your head and get on with the business of your life. It’s the suitcase issues that really begin to slow you down.

Your “suitcase” represents your past romantic relationship issues. Although your past romantic issues or broken hearts seem to be masked, you unknowingly drag them around in suitcases. You know you have suitcase issues when your heart has been wounded during or after a significant relationship and somewhere along the way you have decided not to fully open up or be as vulnerable with the next person. When your suitcase issues become too difficult to mask, you graduate to a trunk.

Your “trunk” issues are your family, parent, daddy, mommy, childhood issues and residual past experiences that keep you stuck. Trunks are awkward, too heavy to carry and the metal that covers the corners and edges leaves drag marks behind. Any abandonment, deep hurts, deaths, or family secrets go become your trunk issues. You can only drag around so many trunks, and then it’s time to rent a storage unit.

Your “storage unit” issues are the most difficult to mask. Storage units are big and they are kept somewhere separate and out-of-site, therefore, you go to great lengths to keep your stuff behind locked doors. Yet, they are costly! You get a bill every month and it takes a toll on you to keep your stuff under lock and key. These are issues of sexual violation, which can leave very deep wounds and confusion for years to come. Even storage unit issues can be healed. (The Steps To Emotional Healing are outlined in my companion article).

For now, it is important for you to identify what baggage you are carrying and what is in the contents of those bags. This is the first and most important step to emotional healing and liberation, so please don’t take this part too lightly. If you want to take off your masks once and for all, it’s time to break open the locks and take a look at what you’ve been carrying around for so many years.

Most of all, remind yourself as often as necessary that you are not a victim, you are a victor! Your pain teaches you how to exercise your free will to choose to love and take another risk because when you do, you move to a new level within yourself. Each time you go for something bigger, you grow stronger and wiser and are better equipped and prepared to be a vessel for God’s purpose. Drop your bags, take off your masks, and open up to the blessings God has for you.


Ericka D. Jackson provides individuals, organizations, and churches with the tools to achieve God’s vision for their lives. Visit http://www.erickajackson.com for insights, techniques and resources to fulfill your calling.